SUB BLOG

The truth is that I do look forward to the beginning of the school year.

Yes, the kids lie to me about their names.
Yes, they try and put post-it notes sticky side up on my chair (at least I have never been assaulted by a tack, but there was once some type of foreign substance in my coffee...)
Yes, they compare me in every possible way to their, "regular classroom teacher".
And, Yes, of course they are rude, snotty, and completely disrespectful to me.

What's not to look forward to? 

It's a battle of wits -- Am I, in fact, smarter than a fifth grader?
It's a test of my mettle -- Can I keep my head while all about me are loosing theirs?1 
It's like I'm Batman trying to out maneuver the likes of The Joker, The Riddler, Two Face, the entire population of Arkham!!! 

As soon as I walk into the classroom, the game is afoot. They know who I am, and they know that I need to be tested. But, I'm ready -- never show fear. They can smell fear...

Alright, it's never been that bad, really. I mean, sure there was that one time I had to duck in order not to be pummeled by a flying desk, but that was an isolated riot. And the time that... Never mind the war stories of subbing. For the most part, I really like moving day by day from one classroom to the next. I like seeing how different groups interact, how different teachers teach. I like getting to know the students and letting the students get to know me.

Funny story, I was subbing at a school not too far from where I live. I was a fifth grade teacher that day. As soon as I walked in one of the girls in the class started to give me the stink-eye. She didn't say anything to me, she just stared, hard. Throughout the day when she thought I wasn't looking she would really stare at me and look away as soon as I turned toward her. By the end of the day I was concerned, but hadn't thought through confronting her when she walked up to me and said, "You look just like my neighbor.

"I AM your neighbor, Alex. I live across the street from you."

"Oh, Mr. A!"

Even subs can't exist outside of a school.

Moments like that tend to make up for the times the students try to get away with swearing in foreign languages, although, that's pretty funny too

The thing to remember...

is that I did all of the same nonsense when I was a kid or laughed when someone else was doing it to the sub. It was never out of some sick twisted sense of morality, or because of parental neglect. It was out of a sense of novelty an awkward feeling that we all get when routine is out of whack and we're not in control of it. It really isn't malicious intent and ill will toward fellow humans. And that needs to be tempered with patience, a willingness to laugh and the ability to out smart.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to the beginning of the school year. I guess I should make sure that the bat tights still fit.

1. Props to Ruyard Kipling and the poem IF:

IF you can keep your head when all about you 
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you...